Wednesday, October 29, 2014
A little bit more on men and women
To elaborate a little bit more on the point I mentioned at the end of class today, I would like to provide a little background information on where I got idea to pose the question. I was reading a magazine article (I don't remember exactly which one) but the article was written for a female audience to attempt to explain some sources of misunderstanding between men and women. The article pretty much asserted that based on the differences in the way that men and women think we are bound to arrive at certain misunderstandings. The article described the differences in the "wiring" and structure of the male vs female brain and stated that men are wired to naturally be problem solvers, a trait that has its roots back in the days of hunting and gathering. It is this reason why women are frequently frustrated when talking to men, they want to be able to just express themselves and have somebody there who can listen to their problems instead of attempting to solve their problems for them. When men listen to the problems of their female friends/girlfriends/wives they will naturally attempt to solve the problems that they hear in the stories they are being told. This point was a little strange to me when I first read it but when I thought about it in greater depth it actually made a lot of sense based on my own experience and observation. Does anyone else agree with this point? If so, do you feel that it influences the manner in which we understand male friendships and female friendships? Would my original statement that most male friendships in movies and stories seem to revolve around the accomplishment of a task seem more justified with this background?
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This background certainly further justifies the point that male friendships in movies and stories seem to revolve around accomplishment. I found your point a little weird at first too, but it is actually very true when you think about it. When women tell their problems to their brothers or boyfriends often they are unsatisfied with the answer. This is become the man will tell her "Relax. It will all be okay because of..." or "You could do this- that would fix everything", but women do not want to hear this at all. They are looking to vent and over analyze the situation, and they can really only do this with other women. Women often find it not very helpful to go to the men in their life because they are not looking to find a "fix" which is what the man would aim to accomplish, he wouldn't prioritize the feelings of the women.
ReplyDeleteI agree that often male friendships are more goal or task oriented. I've noticed that men often bond through physical activity, and if it's not explicit physical activity, they are frequently watching other forms of physical activity! (i.e. a football game). I do not want to argue that women cannot bond through sports because I think they absolutely can, but I think most women would agree that it is not the physical activity itself which creates a bond, but the emotional connection which forms through any sort of activity (physical, goal oriented, or otherwise). When I "hang out" with a friend we are typically not shooting hoops outside or going on some sort of odyssey for fun. More often than not, we are literally just sitting around doing absolutely nothing but talking. Granted, sometimes it will be over coffee, magazines, or even a sports game, but I can assure you that we are talking the whole time and attempting to establish that emotional connection which seem to be characteristic of most female friendships.
ReplyDeleteI agree that this background does support your claim in the sense that biologically men and females differ in many aspects so it is not a surprise that male relationships and female relationships should also differ from one another. In reference to your point that men are natural problem solvers, when women discuss their issues with men, they often provides a solution that does not deal with the emotional side of the situation, but rather what is the simplest solution to rid the problem. Women often want to yearn for this emotional connection in relationships to reassure themselves that they are not the only ones experiencing these levels if mood changes and that they are not alone. All women can relate to each other in that sense because they have shared a similar experience of heartbreak or of worry, while a man might necessarily analyze a situation in terms of how it affects them emotionally.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do believe that there is some biological factor that determines the different characteristics of the female and male brains, I also believe that our own perspectives on friendships are preconceived and largely based on the environment around us. We base friendships off from our own personal friendships and those displayed in movies, television shows, and books. Therefore, the distinction between male and female friendships does not only originate in the neurological structure of the brains, but also on portrayals of the two friendships throughout mass media.
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